I never intended to delve into kink, at all. It just seemed like a weird thing that people in big cities, or on the internet did. Even when I moved to the big city, the idea of just standard sex seemed a long way off.
I moved to the city to study, and at first, I stuck to it religiously. I was raised religiously, which did make things a little easier. It’s not so hard to resist the temptations of the big city, when you’ve been raised to fear the perils of big damnation.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and the road to getting a degree is paved with tons of distractions, and sadly, I am easily distracted. By chance, I met someone, who would be a huge distraction, but would also change my life irrevocably.
We met on a train. I look back on the moment and there are so many hints at what was to come. He didn’t ask me for my number, it was more of a demand. He never really asked me anything, he just had demands. There was a reading list, instructional porn videos (I wish I was joking), and so many expectations. He was very clear, from the beginning, that he wanted a submissive (I have since learned that I have been giving off that vibe for years without noticing), it was a bit like the infamous Ana and Christian situation, and had I known what I know now, back then, I would have seen the crown of red flags that adorned his head, and ran for the hills, but alas, I had no idea what was in store.
He was obsessed with moulding me into an image that he wanted, which I went along with, because I was clueless, but in the months of toil, and unpleasant experimentation, I learned one valuable lesson. I wanted discipline, just without the added degradation.
I had never considered the idea of discipline in my sex life. In fact, I had never really considered sex at all, because it seemed terrifying and far too grown up, but it was the only part of our relationship I enjoyed, and I think the main reason I stayed, despite our incompatibility. I hadn’t yet discovered that I could have what I wanted, because when the only teacher you have ever had, has an obvious bias, your education is going to be skewed.
When I was alone, free to research and learn on my own terms, it was like the whole world opened up in front of me. There was not just fifty shades, but a million shades, and a million different colours, and a million different ways I could find the discipline I needed, and deliver the devotion I wanted to give, without feeling terrible.
After about a year of diligent research, several online quizzes, and a few eye opening conversations with other people on the scene, I discovered that I was a slightly bratty little, who liked to have fun, was kind of into bondage, and loved to be shown who was boss. Now, that wasn’t really happening with my first Dom, because that wasn’t his thing, and that’s fine, but I now had an idea of who I was and what I wanted to find. The only trouble was, it was hard as fuck to do so…
I had a string of relationships (and by string, I mean two) where I was deeply in love, but sexually unfulfilled. Part of that was my own fault, because I couldn’t quite tell them what I wanted (religious upbringing + social stigma + general shyness about the birds and the bees = absolute catastrophe) but eventually, I found someone who got me completely.
It was unexpected. He had never even done anything like this before we met, but he had a very dominant but nurturing energy, even before I mentioned my… preferences. He took care of me, but kept me on track, and so, one day, after several glasses of wine, I blurred it out, and we began talking openly.
It was a little clumsy at first, but slowly, we found a way to make it work, which brings me here, and now.
Aqua x
Tales Of an Aqua Baby 